“The desire to see the organs peculiar to each sex exposed, is a fundamental human drive” ---Sigmund Freud 1856-1939

“Man is wrong to be ashamed of mentioning and displaying it, ““always covering and hiding it. He should, on the contrary, decorate and display it with the proper gravity, as if it were an envoy.”---Leonardo Da Vinci referring to the penis

“[The penis] has intelligence of itself, and although the will of the man desires to stimulate it, it remains obstinate and takes its own course, and moving sometimes of itself without license or thought by the man, whether he be sleeping, or waking, it does what it desires; and often the man is asleep and it is awake, and many times the man is awake, and it is asleep.”---Leonardo da Vinci  

“If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.”--- Rita Mae Brown

“I don't see so much of Alfred anymore since he got so interested in sex.”---Mrs. Alfred Kinsey

“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”---Sigmund Freud after his phallic imagery theories

“The penis is symbolized primarily by objects which resemble it in form, being long and upstanding, such as sticks, umbrellas, poles, trees and the like; also by objects which, like the thing symbolized, have the property of penetrating, and consequently injuring the body, that is to say, pointed weapons of all sorts: knives, daggers, lances, sabers. Firearms are similarly used: guns, pistols and revolvers, these last being a very appropriate symbol on account of their shape.”---Sigmund Freud

“The female genitalia are symbolically represented by all such objects as share with them the property of enclosing a space or are capable of acting as receptacles: such as pits, hollows and caves, and also jars and bottles and boxes of all sorts and sizes, chests, coffers, pockets, and so forth”---Sigmund Freud

“An orgasm is a gland finale”---Unknown

“A seven day honeymoon makes one week”---Unknown

“It’s hard to be good. It has to be hard to be good.”---Unknown

“Men have broad shoulders and narrow hips, and accordingly they possess intelligence. Women have narrow shoulders and wide hips. Women ought to stay at home; the way they were created indicates this, for they have broad hips and a wide fundament to sit upon to keep house and bear and raise children.”---Martin Luther (Protestant reformer)

“The only known aphrodisiac is variety.”---Marc Connolly

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.”---Henry Kissinger

“Everyone probably thinks that I'm a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I'd rather read a book.” ---Madonna

“Love is a matter of Chemistry, but sex is a matter of Physics.”---Unknown

“I never turned over a fig leaf that didn't have a price tag on the other side.”---Saul Bellow

“The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life “---Glenda Jackson  

“Just as it sometimes happens that deformed offspring are produced by deformed parents, and sometimes not, so the offspring produced by a female are sometimes female, sometimes not, but male. The reason is that the female is as it were a deformed male... we should look upon the female state as being...a deformity.”---Aristotle

“I really meant it when I dedicated that book of photographs to myself to my dick. It's like my best friend.”---Mark Wahlberg

“A message to all virgins, thanks for nothing”---Unknown

“Sex is like a savings account; after you withdraw you lose interest.”---Unknown

“The devil finds work for idle glands.”---Unknown

“Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, you probably won't either.”---Unknown

“If they could put one man on the moon, why can't they put them all?”---Rosanne Barr

“Women do not have nearly as much penis envy as men do. Men are all deep down very preoccupied with their penis - how big it is, how long, how thick, and how deep it goes.”---Emanuel H Rosen

“I'm a size queen. Honestly, if I'm on a date and I see the guy is not packing, that's when I fake a backache.”---Janet Jackson

“Frankly, the names of weapons and tools it often goes by are little justified for something that can comfortably be fitted into a sardine can.”---Isabel Allende

“A thousand kisses to your neck, your breasts, and lower down, much lower down, that little black forest I love so well.”---Napoleon, written to Josephine

“No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.”---Honore de Balzac

“Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.” ---Unknown

“Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.” ---Unknown  

“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.”---Unknown

“I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.”--- Mae West

“A hard man is good to find.”---Mae West  

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”---Mae West  

After a man said he was 6 foot 7 inches; “Never mind the six feet. Let’s talk about the seven inches.”---Mae West   

“To err is human, but it feels devine.”---Mae West

“Fifty men outside? I’m tired, send some of them home.”---Mae West

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”---Mae West

“Thanks, I enjoyed every inch of it.”---Mae West

“Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”---Mae West

“When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.”---Mae West

“Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!”---Austin Powers

“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.”---Nicole Hollander

“Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.”---Jackie Onassis

“Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!' “ ---Unknown

 ”Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.”---Jay Leno

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.”---Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers

“Sex is a body-contact sport. It is safe to watch but more fun to play.”---Thomas Szasz, M.D.

“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”---Dr. Alfred Kinsey

“How small is my penis? Well, flaccid, I'm in a sorry state. It's very small, tiny. I might be one of the smallest guys in the world. But when it's fully erect I'd say I'm at least average - five to six inches... I would like to have a big penis. I'd be a different kind of guy if I had a big penis.”---Howard Stern

“When a woman inclines to learning, there is usually something wrong with her sex apparatus.”---F.W. Nietzsche

“Really that little dealybob is too far away from the hole. It should be built right in. (referring to her clitoris)”---Loretta Lynn

“To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.”---Cary Grant, 72 years old

“A roll with some honey is a horny man’s breakfast”---Unknown

“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.”---Swami X

“Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.”---Andy Warhol

 ”Sex is hardly ever just about sex.” ---Shirley MacLaine

“Personally I know nothing about sex because I have always been married.”---Zsa Zsa Gabor

“The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.”---Gloria Leonard

“There's no shortage of pussy- it's just the delivery system that's messed up.”---Dr. Roy V. Schenk

“The penis mightier than the sword.”---Mark Twain

“Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.”---Marilyn Monroe

“A man should wear a rubber on every conceivable occasion”---Unknown

“If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.---Unknown

“When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.”---Unknown

“Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands”---Jayne Mansfield

“It's all this cold-hearted fucking that is death and idiocy.”---D.H. Lawrence

“Sex is dirty only if it's done right.”---Woody Allen

“Sex-appeal is the keynote of our whole civilization.”---Henri Bergson

“He who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, but he who does not remains a fool forever.”---Chinese Proverb

“It is not true that sex degrades women... if it is any good.”---Alan Partridge

 “He has a wee willie”, referring to Tom Arnold's penis---Roseanne Arnold

“Even a 747 looks small landing in the Grand Canyon”---Tom Arnold

“Sex is like a bridge game; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.”---Unknown

“Men are beasts, and even beasts don’t behave as they do.”---Unknown

“Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”---Emo Phillips

“No sex is better than bad sex.”---Germaine Greer

“My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me.”---Bette Midler

“Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.”---William Shakespeare

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant.”---Henry Miller

“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?”---Bette Midler

“Chastity is the most unnatural of sexual perversions”---Aldous Huxley

“The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral.”---Aristippus

“My dad told me, ‘Anything good is worth waiting for’. I waited until I was fifteen.”---Zsa Zsa Gabor

 “If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.”---George Carlin

“Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.”---Groucho Marx

“I would trade all my fame and fortune for an erection”--- Groucho Marx (late in life)

“In the nineteenth century masturbation was a disease; in the twentieth, it is a cure.”---Unknown

“It's the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.”---Tallulah Bankhead

“Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet.”---Saint Augustine

“Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.”---S. J. Perelman

“At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind”---Rodney Dangerfield

“The sexual organs are easy to locate on the human body. Trace a line with your finger from your navel to your knees. Somewhere along this line you will feel something. If you feel a bump, chances are you're a male. If you feel a dip, then you 're probably a female. If you feel both a bump and a dip, then you're a little bit of both but not enough of either.”-- Dave Barry

“Cunnilingus is next to godliness.”---Kali Nichta

“I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.”---Woody Allen

“The brain is viewed as an appendage of the genital glands.”---Carl Jung

 “Macho does not prove mucho.”---Zsa Zsa Gabor

“It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.”---Joan Rivers

“From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.”---Bette Davis

“Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.”---Sophia Loren

“It'll be a sad day for sexual liberation when the pornography addict has to settle for the real thing.”---Brendan Francis

“Sex is like money – very nice to have but rather vulgar to talk about.”---Tonia Berg

“A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available.”---Masters and Johnson

“My brain is my second favorite organ.”---Woody Allen

“Some things are better than sex, some things are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.”---W. C. Fields

“It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.”---Brigitte Bardot

“Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself.”---Unknown

“All men are rats, and those who aren’t are boring.”---Joan Collins

“Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you.”---Unknown

“I am a man of few words and a thousand obscene gestures.”---Unknown

“Men are very protective of [their sexual] organs. This is because Mother Nature decided, apparently as a prank, to place them on the outside of the male body, where they are most likely to get hit by baseballs, or punched by small children.”---Dave Barry

“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts”---Jeff Foxworthy

“I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex ---Jack Handey Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live - NBC)

“I haven't had sex in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.” ---Lil' Kim

After being asked if she dresses for men or for woman; “I dress for women and undress for men.”---Angie Dickinson

“I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.” ---Garry Shandling

“Stick up for your dad, he stuck up for you”---Unknown

“Being bald is an unfailing sex magnet.”---Telly Savalas

“Healthy, lusty sex is wonderful.”---John Wayne

“I have brains and a uterus, and I use both.”---Pat Schroeder

After being asked if she really posed for a calendar with nothing on;”Oh no, I had the radio on.”---Marilyn Monroe

“The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant.”---Unknown

“She can perform miracles with the muscles of her private parts and caused me to attain 10 climaxes in one day.” Referring to Lola Montez (1817-1861) a British-Irish dancer.--- King Louis I of Bavaria

“An erection is like Einstein’s  Theory of Relativity, the more you think about it, the harder it gets.”---Unknown

“Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it’s gone.”---Unknown

“A lover always thinks of his mistress first and himself second; with a husband it runs the other way.”---Honore de Balzac

“A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are.”---Victor Lownes

“A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money — because they have a lot to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.”---Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, The Ethical Slut

“Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws.---Karl Kraus

“Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency.”--- Margo St. James

“I would like to outlaw contraception...contraception is disgusting – people using each other for pleasure.”--- Joseph Scheidler(Pro-Life Action League)

“I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.”---Hunter S. Thompson

“It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”---George Burns

“It's not true that the more sex that you have, the more it interferes with your work. I find that the more sex you have, the better work you do.”---H. G. Wells

“Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull.” --- H. L. Mencken

“Looking for sex can lead to misfortune, and if you get 'lucky' and find it, it can leave you maimed, infected, or dead. Other than that, it's swell.”---Edna Buchanan

“Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.”---S. J. Perelman

“Love is the name, sex is the game, forget the name and play the game!”---Unknown

“Men ought to be more conscious of their bodies as an object of delight.”---Germaine Greer

“Of all the sexual aberrations, perhaps the most peculiar is chastity.”---Remy de Gourmont

“[Planned Parenthood] is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism – everything that the Bible condemns.”---Pat Robertson

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.”---Woody Allen

“Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic”--- Woody Allen

“Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest”---Jimmy Swaggart

“Sex is a conversation carried out by other means.”---Peter Ustinov

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”---Henry Miller

“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”---John Barrymore

“Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report:

“There's a naked person outside!”---Mike Nichols

“The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.”---Lord Chesterfield

“We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.”---Alexander Comfort

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.”---Matt Groening